BEAUTY SHOP TALK

by

Vicki Charmaine Bunch

I'm the kind of person people wink at. My best friend Brandy says it's because I look like a six week old St. Bernard. I wear my hair that way. People take to you if you remind them of a baby or a puppy or a favorite stuffed animal. They want to cuddle you, tickle you, tuck you in at night.

They want to take care of you.

They wink at you, the way you might wink at a child or your great aunt. There are people you wink at--Donny and Marie Osmond (sp?). And people you don't--Marilyn Manson (sp?). Once again, it has to do with the kind of animal you look like. If you resemble a snapping turtle or an alligator gar, chances are, nobody's going to wink. But if you have big round eyes and a pudgy tummy, they might wink at you. Maybe even buy you a drink.

This is the way I look--trusting eyes, button nose, mouth like Betty Boop. I've been told I remind people of the Easter rabbit or one of Santa's helpers. Also, a Cabbage Patch doll. Several people have said that.

I used to protest when people tickled me or picked me up or squeezed me. I've learned to just go limp. If they wag me around for hours and I fall asleep. I've woken up in some real dumps. I've even had to call a cab.

Just the other day I was walking to my car downtown when a guy picked me up and carried me two blocks the wrong direction. He wanted me to help him pick out a pair of house shoes for his mother.

"You look like you know about houseshoes," he said.

We went to Burford's department store and looked at the the different styles.

"Shoes that look like animals are the big thing," I said. There were lions, bears, mice and an array of fake furs. They came in hi-tops and slippers.

"These remind me of Muffin," he said, picking up a pair with shaggy fur and big felt eyes. "Muffin was the cat we had when I was growing up." They were almost two feet long.

"Those eyes won't hold up in the wash," I said. "I vote for the plain black ones. Think of all the outfits they would go with."

He bought the cats.

I had to pick up a chicken for dinner. I stopped at the grocery store.

The produce manager offered me a bag of black bananas. "No charge. And how about if I mark the peaches down? Just for you. Has anyone ever told you that you look just like a Beanie Baby?" I took the bananas and helped a woman find the brewer's yeast

"You remind me of a catfish," said the guy in the butcher shop.

A man asked me to take his young daughter to the restroom and I loaned a teenager fifty cents.