BEAUTY SHOP TALK

by

Vicki Charmaine Bunch

Holiday preparations are in full swing in Axel. This year is especially hectic because, in addition to the onslaught of emergency hair fixing, I have been commissioned by the Axel Chamber of Commerce to write the town's first Christmas play which will be performed Dec. 20-21 at the cattle auction barn.

Naturally I studied up on Christmas as a theme in fine literature, with the result that I have been divinely inspired to write an updated version of O. Henry's classic, The Gift of the Magi.

In The Gift of the Magpie, Christmas shopping goes haywire for a struggling young hairdresser and her soda pop delivery man husband. In the original story, you will recall, a woman shaves off her hair and ends up getting a hairbrush or something for Christmas. That's called irony. The Bunch treatment is so ironic, playgoers won't know what hit them.

Beautician Charmaine Jones is saving the cut-off hair of her beauty shop customers to sell to wig makers in Puerto Rico. She's trying to save up enough money to buy custom-made sheepskin seat covers for her husband Reginald's pick-up truck.

Meanwhile, Reginald, also known as Reggie, has hired himself out as a lady's escort to save the money to buy Charmaine a five carat cubic zirconium anniversary ring for Christmas. It's not their anniversary. That's just what the ring is called in the Service Merchandise catalog.

They are both working their butts off, saving for each other's presents, when the irony happens.

In stroke of genius foreshadowing, a magpie, played by puppet meister Joe Smedlove of Poolville, keeps stealing shiny objects around town.

One day while Charmaine is on the beauty shop floor sorting hair by color, the magpie appears in the window with something shiny in its beak. It drops the thing--which turns out to be a five carat cubic zirconium ring.

Charmaine is overcome by how ironic this is, since she has been hinting around about just such a ring ever since the catalog from Service Merchandise got delivered. She hurries out of the shop to show the ring to Reggie, who is supposed to be at home getting the Christmas tree down from the attic.

Not finding Reggie at home, Charmaine cruises town looking for him. Suddenly she spots his truck at the home of Constance Meriweather, a lonely but wealthy spinster. As she gets out of the car, Charmaine takes her .25 Lady's Special, just in case.

You've probably already guessed what happens next. Charmaine sees Reggie and Constance through the window, smooching in the living room, and sets his truck on fire. It's ironic because, on the dashboard of the truck, is the receipt for a five carat zirconium ring. (Obviously we can't burn up a real truck on stage. This narrator tells this part, accompanied by the eerie wailing of fire truck sirens.)

Reginald sleeps on the sheepskin seat covers down by the railroad tracks after Charmaine kicks him out. She pawns the ring to pay her divorce attorney.

A modern twist on a Christmas classic! This is stellar entertainment the whole family will enjoy so buy your tickets today down at the Chamber and tell your friends! Support local theatrics. And don't forget to "Shop Axel Where Prices Are Chicken Feed."